Be A Parent Not A Friend

My sons truly are my best friends. Now that they are grown adults that is. The parent -child line has blurred and we are easy within our own company. It was a long road getting to this point but well worth the journey. Trust me when I say it was not always this way.
When my boys were young my husband and I ruled over them and our way was the only way. We were their parents, not their friends. For a good portion of those years they probably didn't even like us very much. This being said, they did love and respect us. One thing was certain, in those growing years they never questioned who was in charge.
Something interesting has happened in the some 20 years that I have parented and taught preschool. Parents no longer parent through strength and example but try to evoke good behavior in children by being their friends. I see this where I work and in various social settings. Parents acting silly, teasing and using this playful sing-song voice that screams, "please like me so you will do as I say without putting up a fuss." After several attempts and the inevitable failure, the parents then turn into adult robo cops and bark out instructions. Now the child is not only scared but confused.
The obvious medium here would be for children to have consistent authoritative adult parents that set rules and expectations calmly without morphing into agitated rulers. Not that this will guarantee perfect behavior. Children are children and we expect them to misbehave from time to time. When they do misbehave that is the time for the parents to step up and discipline. Only parents can discipline their children, a friend cannot. Being the parent and not the friend will do two things. It will eliminate confusion and teach respect. After all is said and done, if a child doesn't respect their parents it is almost impossible to get them to follow directions.
Being a Mom or Dad, having a job and parenting small children is no picnic. We are taxed emotionally and physically. I know that parents often try to find the path of least resistance when it comes to disciplining. Nothing is more exhausting then having a major meltdown with your child over an insignificant matter. It is tiring and frustrating for everyone involved. The playful friend-parent approach mayhap worked when first used but long term it is quickly ignored by children.
It truly is okay for you to expect your children to behave and if they do not, it is also okay for them not to like you or the set punishment and discipline you give them. The little known fact here is that children thrive in an environment where there are set rules and boundaries. It makes them feel secure. So who better to set those rules than you the parent? There will be time for you to have true friendship with your children but that will not happen until they are grown. For now be your child's parent, not their friend. It works best this way. Trust me.
Questions or comments? Please feel free to "Ask Ms. Donna"