Over Involvement

All parents want to protect their children, after all it is what parents do. It is our job. We protect them when they are tiny helpless infants and it continues as they grow and strive to overcome the restrictions of their environment. We childproof our homes, cover sharp corners and keep our fingers crossed.
As hard as it might seem there comes a time when parents need to let go. Children will stumble and they may fall but a wise parent knows that a child will get back up. Children will encounter many falls not only in the physical world but also in the emotional social world.
We go through a child's first few years protecting them from danger. We follow, we prevent and we try to protect. One of the hardest things a parent will experience is watching as a child gets hurt. We tend to blame ourselves and redouble our efforts to keep that child from ever experiencing hurt. Dear parents, this is as unrealistic as it is an impossible goal. Your efforts could actually even harm your child.
We want to foster strong children with the ability to look within themselves for strength and not to look to their parents. At the age of 2 we need to step back and help our children learn how to cope on their own. They need to know that ever little bump or fall does not require parental intervention. More important are the relationships they have with their peers. At the age of 3 and 4 children become social little beings. It has always been a pleasure to watch the beginnings of the social aspect of a child's life. As a preschool teacher, listening to their lunchtime conversations is so sweet and entertaining. They are learning the give and take of how to get along. This is true social behavior and not to be mistaken with the self absorbed aspects of the toddler or 2 year old who is more concerned with the ownership of a toy.
If a parent continues to intervene or 'fix' their child's playground disputes and squabbles, by the time that 2 year old becomes 4 he or she will look to his or her parents to solve all of their challenges. Several years ago I had a sweet 4 year old girl who told her mother daily of every slight and every difficult obstacle she had faced during her day. " So and so wouldn't let me play with her," or, "So and so wouldn't share their puzzle with me," etc. etc. and so on. Her mother would then corner that particular child or their parent and confront them about something that had happened earlier on in the day. Now these are the same challenges each and every other child in the room faced but the other children had the ability to work through these problems and go about their day. This little girl didn't have this ability because she had been taught from an early age to look to her mother to fix all her problems.
Although well meaning, this particular mother was so over protective that she had stunted her child's ability to cope. I can only imagine how this mother and daughter relationship would evolve during the upcoming years but I am certain of one thing. It would be a very dependant one.
Serious problems during the preschool years can and will occur. Use your common sense on when to jump in and help. But in the every day dealings and social tug of war of the preschooler, it is best to let them work through their own day with little help or involvement from their parent. I know it is hard to do, but sometimes we need to take a deep breath, step back and cross our fingers.
Questions or comments? Please feel free to "Ask Ms. Donna"